i dont have a lot to say

yesterday

how can someone feel this sad and still keep that silly smile plastered onto her face every day like a weird mask. things that are truly smileworthy: friends when they say something nice, when a kid does something unexpected and surprisingly kind, when someone tells you your their best friend for the first time or any time its repeated, when you look at the ocean, when your feet are barefoot in the sand and it tickles, when your watching something funny on tv, when a stranger gets hurt (not seriously), when someone you know gets hurt (again not seriously), when you have a good memory, when your listening to your favorite song, when you wake up and its sunny out, when you walk out into the sun and you feel good with your sunglasses on and your pedicured toes in flipflops, when someone tickles your feet(though usually this turns quickly into anger), when your smoking alone, when someone tells you a funny story, when someone tells you they love you although this is something special like a shooting star.

What is it about the sea?

That makes me want to grow gills and splash into the water like a desperate fish let go by a fisherman

I want to take off all my clothes and burry deep into the sand

And have people build sandcastles and write the names of their loved ones around me

Put seaweed and starfish in my hair

Collect shells and place them everywhere